I am a gamer.

I have been playing games most of my life. Some of my earliest childhood memories involve games. The Game of Life inspired me to learn how to read (My dad was sick of reading things to me and refused to play whenever I wanted until I learned to do it myself). Games even taught me how to read. The Talking Teacher taught me spelling and math and reading at a level almost twice my actual age. My spelling hasn’t progressed much since then, but everything else laid out a rich foundation that I still use today.

I started gaming young as well. I remember playing something that I’m pretty sure was Pitfall on an old console and tv at my grandmother’s house. I remember playing Super Mario Bros. Level 4-2 (or was it 2-4, it was the first scrolling level) I played Altered Beast for the Genesis, was never very good at platformers and those kind of games, but I was there for them.

I snuck under my bed to watch my older brother play Dungeons and Dragons, and was absolutely elated when I was allowed to (still in the single-digits age wise) play the TMNT RPG made by Palladium.

I have since designed several RPG systems, programmed a handful of not very good games in ancient programming languages, and spent what could easily be considered most of my life playing games.

Yet, there are people who had the gall to tell me I am not a gamer.

I know. It’s insanity, right? I mean, I’ve spent most of my life immersed in some form of gaming or another I gravitate toward Pencil and Paper RPG’s, board games, card games, and other somewhat abstract games. Why? Becuase these are what has proven to hold my attention. I have written a couple of text based games, and played on MUD’s back in the day using stolen computer and internet time. Those are the games I miss.

I earned the nickname ‘The Blind Lemming’  playing Half Life. I earned this becuase I have the survival instincts of a blind lemming. I later earned the nickname ‘Passive Assassin’ when it was realized that most of my ‘kills’ were through secondary damage on AvP. I rarely actually killed someone of my own free ability. I didn’t mind, I had fun for the most part and it was good times with friends.

I am being told I am not a real gamer becuase my console of choice is the Wii. A large chunk of the reason I bought the wii shortly after it came out  and waited a few years to pick up the other ‘next gen consoles’ was because of the game selection. I don’t really go for the mini-game packs, everyone is so keen on berating. Rather, I enjoy the first party titles, specifically Metroid Prime 3: Corruption (which I bought slightly before the actual console) Super Smash Bros. Brawl, Super Paper Mario came with the system when I bought it used and I very much enjoyed it. I’m *still* slogging my way through Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess. I enjoy it, but it didn’t capture my the same way Wind Waker did, it’s been pre-empted twice once by wii-fit and again by wii-fit plus. Yes, I’m fat. Yes I’m trying to do something about it.

Because of this. I’m told I’m not a gamer. I’ve never played HALO, although I do now own all them. The same can likely be said for just about any popular game for either the 360 or PS3. If I don’t actually own them, I do plan on purchasing them sometime, eventually. The only actual game that required a disk I’ve played on my 360 was Soul Calibur 4. I’m a big fan of fighting games, I know I should play Street Fighter 4, I’m waiting until the new one comes out this spring.

Again. I’m not good at FPS games. It took me the better part of a day to beat Portal. My friends have beaten it in a handful of hours. They made fun of me the whole time. I rather did enjoy the experience.  But since I don’t spend days on end playing other games such as TF2, HALO, COD, and what other mas of capital letters is the popular game now…. I’m not a gamer.

You may begin to understand why this irks me slightly.

I was reading a (somewhat dated) article saying how this or that development company will never develop games for the wii, since real gamers don’t play it. For some reason that raised my hackles a bit. Now I can understand them not making games for the wii becuase their target audience (American 18-30’s) tend to play other systems (Xbox 360), that is a perfectly reasonably choice. Not making a game for the best selling system worldwide is a bit debatable. If they’re so confidant they can make the best and shiniest games around, then why can’t they just as easily make the best and shiniest game for the Wii as well. But what would I know, I’m obviously not a gamer.

When people talk about the wii derisively they are quick to point out how it’s underpowered compared to it’s two rivals. This caught me as amusing for several reasons, first of all, the wii was specifically developed to target a different demographic. Nintendo realized it would be a somewhat silly move to go toe to to against two giants who have more money then they rightfully know what to do with. While I’m sure they could have produces a system comparable to the others, they chose to build a stable, reliable and less expensive system then the other companies, who indecently, lost money on every console sold, while Nintendo made a small profit. I haven’t heard of any hardware problems, in fact the Wii has used the same hardware since it came out, around the same time as the PS3. How many revisions have the other systems gone through to correct hardware malfunctions?

Anyway, the analogy I had to consoles was equating them to vehicles. They’re both an integral part of my life in general. While I may not drive cars professionally (although I have friends who do) I do drive them fairly often. The difference is I don’t really drive for pleasure, I drive becuase I live 20 miles from my workplace, and even when I lived closer, it took too long to walk to justify the energy. Again, yes, I’m fat, yes, I’m working on it, yes, I enjoy walking, just not by myself in the rain several miles then working a long shift only to have to walk back I’ve done it, I makes the actual working part very inconvenient.

I don’t drive a fancy car. In fact I bought my car used off of a coworker (much like my consoles). My car can’t go 0-60 in a few seconds. It actually takes  a bit of time, but it’ll get there. I don’t top out at 200 mp/h. In fact I’ve only ever came close to hitting about 90 while hurrying back from a long drive, although the spedometer tells me I can go to about 120 mp/h.

My car takes me from point A to point B fairly well. It’s not very fuel efficient, but it runs. I don’t have to take it to the shop every few months to get it fixed, and I didn’t have to take out a massive loan to get it. It has a functional speaker system, it’s not loaded with thumping bass, but I can hear the music I tell it to play.

The point is, my situation here is probably similar to many millions of drivers around the world. I have something that does what I want it to do. Sure, other people put themselves into bankruptcy to do the exact same thing I’m doing essentially, only they do it in a stylish new vehicle every few years (my car is almost old enough to drive itself and is by many years the newest car I’ve owned for any reasonable length of time).

Despite all this, few people will say I’m not a driver. People may say I’m not a very *good* driver, and I will be unlikely to despite the point. I am in fact licensed and have had a fairly trivial record thus far. So why is it that despite doing this thing only out of need and gaming for fun, people still don’t think I’m a gamer?

When people tell me they are a gamer, my first throught is, sweet someone to play Gunner with. Never heard of it, not surprising, how about GURPS, no? World of Darkenss? D&D? Oh, you don’t like those kind of games where you have to use your imagination? You like something you can see, don’t worry, I understand. Not everyone has the creativity to play those games, I’ve been playing them most of my life so I’m used to it, but I can see how someone who hasn’t played a lot of them might be intimidates. Something with rules then?

How about Mahjong.  No?  Shogi? Ah don’t worry, not a lot of people have played it, I’ve only found two other people willing to play it and only one who has played more than once. Well maybe. English games? Sure, Settlers of Catan? I’ll admit I’ve never played it, but want to badly. Never heard of it? Well no problem, what about anything by Fantasy Flight Games? Might I recommend Twilight Imperium? A little too long for you?

Board games not your thing? I have Magic, and a whole mess of other CCG games here? Ah, too expensive for you? I completely understand, I mean people have cards that cost more than my entire deck (and I can [sometimes] beat those people) with said cards with said deck) that’s fair.  Well I have regular playing cards (I always carry two decks with me) oh? the only game you know if Texas Hold’em? Well that’s fine, we can play something else.

Consoles you say? Oh great! I have those! I have Gunstar Heroes, Mortal Kombat, Street Fighter, I just picked up Smash TV. Something newer you say? Well, I have the newest Pokemon… Mario Party 8, Smash Bros Brawl, Soul Calibur (every version for every console thus far). Oh… you don’t like those games? That’s fair, well what *do* you play, I probably have it. Halo? Yeah… I have it, I’m not very good at it though, but I’ll watch you play, I’ve heard it was a good game and would love to see someone who is good at it play. Oh, the storyline sucks and you only play multiplayer? I’m sorry to hear that. Well, I have an internet connection, feel free to have fun playing with yourself, and the other nameless faceless people on the other end of the connection. Just one question though.

Why did you call yourself a gamer again?

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Prizes aren’t worth anything if anyone can get them.

Which reminds me of a joke. Maybe I’ll tell it later. Maybe I’ll get the guy who tells it better than I to tell it later.

Symballius is was born in a small desert tribe in the desert. She was raised by her harem-mother in the comfort tents of the Tribe’s slavemaster. Her exotic features proved to be very popular and she was sure to fetch a high price when she was finally sold. She was given a comfortable life in public, well fed and clean, as it is a status symbol to have healthy slaves. However in private she was abused continuously, the bruises that no one could see would not lessen her value. No one knows the exact nature of what happened to her, as she herself would never speak of it, and those who did know are unable to speak at all.

The tribe wandered around the desert picking up strays, foolhardy people who tried to cross the desert on their own. The desert was vast and magic did not work well there. It was nearly impossible to summon any sort of provisions in the field and everything needed to be taken along. The Shyrr raided caravans, while the Trogh, undermined any attempt at creating a stable route. The human nomads dealt in slaves, and traded their captives for provisions such as water and food.

This was the only life Symballius had ever known. Her harem-mother tried her best to raise her properly and protect her, but the cruel slave master hated her. It was suspected that her birth-mother who died during childbirth was his favorite. He resented another man fathering a child through her and resented Symballius even more for the murder. The innocent girl was shown no mercy and quickly knew the harsh realities of desert life.

There passed a day, she had had enough. Symballius, raised as a devour follower of the gods, prayed fiercely for retribution, her wish was granted in the form of a divine boon, she was granted a spell that caused anyone to experience anything they had ever put anyone else through, granted to her by Valgodth, the god of Vengeance. She discovered the spell as the slavemaster came to claim her as his new wife. The resulting trauma destroyed his mind and left him a lifeless shell. She escaped that night into the desert fearing for her life and fearing her own power.

She was followed by a Shyrr known as Gil. He had kept an eye on her for quite some time; following the tribe monitoring them. Gil was a scout for his clan, and as such was honor bound to capture anyone roaming their territory without permission. As Gil approached the girl to take her, he found himself unable to take her. When she awoke, he was standing by her guarding her and offered to take her to safety. In doing so, Gil knew he would be forever exiling himself from the tribe, but he had no other choice, such was the power of fear and awe he felt.

In the port town, Gil helped her get passage on a boat to the other continent. Gil had noticed someone following them for some time, and went to take care of that. Symballius waited on the boat for Gil, but he never came. As the boat was launching, she was once again scared and alone. She tried her best to make herself hidden. She was used to hiding and being unseen. However someone on the ship was looking for her. Whoever had been following them had boarded the ship as well and was searching her out. He must of killed her only friend she thought in horror.

Exhaustion and fear finally caught up; to her. A gang of local slavers caught up to her and were preparing to have their way with her. Suddenly a knight rushed in and saved her. Quickly dispatching the small group, he protected her for the remainder of the trip. The young knight was known as Sylagrin and belonged to an order of knights pledged to protect the innocent. He was handsome and strong, and he vowed to protect her on her journey. His endless energy was only matched by his enthusiasm. Unfortunately she had no idea where she was headed. The knight explained how he was tracking down the mercenary known as Basloc Arpaggio. And had heard he had recently made his way to the continent she was on. He lost track of him and was on his way back home in defeat.

When they disembarked, Sylagrin actually spotted his quarry once again. Basloc had been on another ship ahead them, and it was him who had ordered Symballius’ capture. Basloc quickly fled losing himself in the mountainous terrain. The two followed him, as best they could. Occasionally given help by mysterious signs warning them of danger, or pointing them in the right direction, or showing them shortcuts. Symballius gave thanks to the gods for their providence and Sylagrin gave thanks to his. Soon they tracked Basloc to an ancient temple deep within the mountains.

Symballius and Sylagrin had grown quite close during the journey. In the weeks they spent together travelling they had both saved the others life. Symballius found she had a knack for healing and defensive magic, while Sylagrin’s Sword was the best in the land. The two braved a great many perils before finally reaching their destination. They knew Basloc was inside and there was no way out of the temple. This was going to be their final confrontation. At camp outside the temple, the two consummated their love for each other. Afraid of what might happen in the future. The portents warned that they were both in grave danger and neither was likely to survive to see the next new moon.

Gil watched the two growing closer, growing ever jealous. He had been the mysterious benefactor. He had hoped that Symballius would have realized and tried to drop subtle hints she would recognize. She took those to be the portents that drove her closer to Sylagrin. Gil finally made himself known n the morning of the final assault. Pledging his loyalty to Symballius and vowing to protect her. Sylagrin welcomed him as an ally, seeing what he believed to be a peer. Symballius was happy to see her old friend alive. They went into the temple together to confront Basloc.

Basloc revealed that he knew the world was dying. He didn’t know how much longer it had, but he knew of this ancient ruined temple that once was used to escape. Basloc had spent the majority of his adult life trying to find an escape, and while he found the temple long ago, he had never had the ability to unlock it’s secrets. He lacked a massive power source to open the gate once again. He revealed that both Symballius and Sylagrin were descendants of a long lost order of shaman; able to channel energy in different ways, while Symballius was turning out to be a powerful priestess, able to channel her emotion into magic, Sylagrin was able to channel his emotions into stamina and strength, either one of them should have been enough to power the machine, but together, he would be sure to escape.

The battle quickly equpted; Sylagrin confronted Basloc while Gil stayed behind to protect Symballius. Unbeknownst to either of them, Gil had poisoned Symballius with a paralyzing agent. She was growing weaker and weaker each moment, Basloc was furious since that had rendered one of his power sources useless. Gil pointed out that the two of them would be able to easily take out the other power source. Together they rushed Sylagrin and overwhelmed him. Symballius had lost conciousness and fallen into a deep state of shock. Gil knew he could revive her at a moments notice, with Sylagrin out of the way, she would be his alone.

Sylagrin was sacrificed in the temple, his energy being used to open the gate. Basloc, let slip how he had no intention of letting the two of them through the gate with him, since there was only enough energy for one person to be let through. Furious Gil tackled him through the gate. What Basloc had neglected to mention was that he was also a member of the shamans, and himself a great source of energy. Such that the gate was overloaded and exploded, taking everyone in the room to a strange and alien world.

Local Talent is hard to come by

Due to a technical difficulty with my computer eating the WAV file as it got compressed. This is a remake. Sorry.

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